Saturday, September 10, 2011

9/11

I was working on my math homework during study hall when a teacher hurried into the room and turned on the television. On the screen was the New York City skyline. The rest of the day we students shuffled between classes, only to take our seats and raise our eyes to the news. The horror.

After returning home from school that afternoon, I took Pogo out for her walk, as I always did. But moments in, my mom drove up beside me- she had been sent home early. It was a time to be with family.

She asked me how I was. The question surprised me, I hadn't thought about my feelings. I was still taking it in. With her prompting, I reflected, and found myself still very shocked, confused, looking for answers, and sad. Sad about the event, sad that people died.

But ten years later, I watch the images again and hear the stories of those who died and whose family died, I finally realize why my mother asked me how I felt. Because now I understand what she was feeling.

I could not grasp, as a teenager, the true depths of a loving relationship. I could not conceive the pain of losing a spouse. Nor fathom the unsoothable ache of losing a child. I did not yet have the ability to feel the impact of those loving relationships on the soul. But my mother knew. And she felt the devastation of thousands of wounded souls on that day.

Ten years later, I finally understand. As a wife and a mother, I understand. My heart can comprehend the hurt carried over a decade by so many. And with this enlarged empathy comes the realization that hate has devastating power.

But, more importantly, I think, I better understand the uniting force of love. And I am grateful for that understanding on this day.

6 comments:

  1. Your thoughts are very poignant. It describes my feelings exactly. Today I was thinking, "I can't believe our school made us sit there all day as the towers collapsed live on television in front of us."

    But I didn't take in the enormity of what happened that day. It wasn't until last year when I watched some 9/11 documentaries that everything sank in and I was horrified.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have read your post over and over. Not only to friends but family as well. Your perspective is dead on. Your compassion, understating, and sorrow is well reflected and I can relate completely. My hope is that everyone can feel as you do and understand the impotence you have shared. Well said my friend/family/most compassionate writer thus far on the topic.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I agree with Elizabeth. You summed up my thoughts and experience exactly! I only now am beginning to understand how horrific the loss must have been to so many that day.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Beautifully said and so true about how much more we understand the pain of such loss now.

    ReplyDelete
  5. These are the exacts thoughts that were going through my head all weekend! I finally feel like I understand. Thank you for putting it into beautiful words!

    ReplyDelete
  6. You put it so perfectly. It was the same for me. I was shocked and felt horrible when it happened, but this year my heart just felt so much heavier, my eyes tearing up much more. And praying with more sincerity for the families and friends of those who died that they may be filled with peace.

    ReplyDelete