So we're letting them cry. It stinks. Majorly. I know its a means to a very good end- the boys can learn to soothe themselves and we all get better sleep- but it's so hard to not rush in there when they're wailing for mommy and daddy. It's especially hard with the twins because the non-crier will get woken up, so then two babies are screaming. The worst part is making myself leave quickly after I've checked up on them- all I want to do is stroke their faces until they sleep again. But then that'd be working against our goal, wouldn't it?
Marci is the one who first mentioned Baby Wise to me. Marci's family lived in Illinois for a while and we were in Young Women's together. Years later, I came upon her blog. Then I moved to Houston which happened to be where she was living. And she and I finally got together a few days ago. It was funny, since we're blog friends, we already knew exactly what was going on in each other's lives. But it was lovely to meet her son (who showed me how very non-babyproofed our house is) and I think she enjoyed time with a couple cute babies. She's a wonderful mother of three and blogs all the time, you should check it out. Loved meeting with you Marci! Thanks for driving out!
Ok, back to sleeping. So the idea of not rushing to their side at every whimper at night is one of the points of Baby Wise. Another is instilling a schedule of Feed-Wake-Sleep repeat. So they should have their wake time right after they eat and nap after that, until it's time to eat again. Before, I'd let them nap anytime after they ate, so we're working on that.
There's two things I want to discuss:
1) I read in the book that if they wake up crying, it means that they didn't get enough sleep. Is that really the case? Because they always wake up crying from their naps. I'm thinking if I try to get them back to sleep (which involves more bouts of crying) after their typical 35 minute nap will help consolidate them and make them more restorative. Yes?
2) Any tips on "crying it out"? Does it really work? I'm hoping for some miracles in the next couple days.
Crying it out does work. Could you possibly let them sleep in separate rooms at least while they get into a new routine? It might help if they can't hear the other one crying.
ReplyDeleteWith ours, we let him cry for 15 minutes at a time and then we'd go check on him to make sure everything was okay. If everything was all right and he was just crying to cry, we wouldn't pick him up. We would just give him a kiss and leave again. After a week of this he didn't cry when we put him down anymore. Now he's a great sleeper.
I could tell you horror stories about our friends who never let their kids cry it out and responded to every whimper. Their kids have HORRIBLE sleep habits and the parents are exhausted.
So yes, it's hard, but it works. I think it's part of teaching and training your kids. They have to learn to comfort themselves and put themselves to sleep. It's a normal part of life.
In my experience, Caleb ONLY wakes up crying when he hasn't gotten enough sleep. When he sleeps enough, he's happy to play in his crib for a while before needing me.
ReplyDeleteAs for crying it out, I have no idea. I never had to do that with Caleb. It makes sense, though, that when you cater to every whimper, you're "training" your child to cry more. I had to pay attention to Caleb's types of cries when I laid him down--when his crying got to a certain point, I knew he was too worked up to settle himself on his own. That's when I'd go soothe him, but not pick him up.
I think I need to read babywise. Caleb does eat-play-eat-sleep, and I think he'd do better with bottle-feeding if he was more alert. But I just love his 3-hour nap in the afternoon.
Crying it out definitely worked for Jackson. Sometimes he still needs to cry it out, but he's pretty used to it by now. I do think that if they wake up crying it means they didn't get enough sleep. Usually after Jackson's 2 hour nap or when he wakes up in the morning he just plays or talks to himself in his crib. If we don't come within a reasonable amount of time he'll start yelling, but he usually doesn't wake up crying. I love the book Baby Wise. I wish I would have come across it earlier than I did, but I think that is my favorite book about baby sleep and scheduling!
ReplyDeleteLet them cry it out. It's rough especially with the two boys together but it's worth it. We started letting Torrance cry for about 15 minutes and if she didn't calm down I would go in and give her the pacifier and calm her down a bit and then leave asap. After a while we bumped it to 20 minutes. Around that point I started to learn which cry meant she was on her way to sleep and which one meant she was too wound up to settle down on her own. The biggest thing is giving them a chance to calm down on their own. And I do agree with the crying when they wake up. Torrance is always grumpy if she wakes up crying but I can tell when she sleeps well because she will sit and play in her crib and check out her surroundings. I leave her in there to play until she calls for me (i.e. whining). Keep at it Katie, it's so worth it!
ReplyDeleteHey Katie. I know its a little random for me to posting a comment on your blog, but I saw the link on Facebook and it piqued my interest since I'm going through the same thing right now. My little guy is only 3 months old though so its a little different. We were following the babywise thing until about 3 1/2 weeks ago when he decided he only wanted to nap for 35-40 minutes every time. That sort of throws the whole schedule off. I would try to get him to go back to sleep but I ended up spending more time trying to get him to go back to sleep then he actually slept! Then, the worse his naps got the worse he slept at night. I finally got so desperate I called my pediatrician. He said that some babies just don't sleep like the books say they should and you just have to adjust. I now have to nurse Luke to sleep once a day (which babywise does not believe in) but then he will take a good 2-3 hour nap once a day. That's helping him sleep better at night. All the other naps are still 35 minutes long, but at least I can have one time a day where I have enough time to get something done or just take a good long nap :) When he gets older and is ready to cry it out then we'll adjust again.
ReplyDeleteOn the crying it out, I haven't done it yet because I still think Luke is way too young even though Babywise says they can cry it out at any age. I've heard it works when they are ready. Try it for a few days. If things don't get better and they are still crying for an hour everytime, then quit for a week or so and then try again. When the babies are ready to be able to soothe themselves without you they'll get it.
Anyway, obviously I'm no expert since I'm a first time mom too, but I seriously read all the books, researched the internet, talked to everyone, etc to try to get my baby to sleep and I finally just had to find something that worked for us, even if some books say its not right. Every baby is different. I'd say, follow their lead and trust your gut and eventually you'll be able to work something out. Good luck!
Whoa! I just saw how long my comment was...Sorry!! :)
ReplyDeleteYes, crying it out works. It only took Olivia a few days of crying at night to finally sleep all night long. The crying nights were bad. We're talking 2-3 hours of crying. The book I was going by told me not to go in to soothe them. I think I did once - went in to soothe her and then left, but that just made her scream more. I was afraid that I was training her to cry up to the time I went in. That is not the goal. So, for *me*, it took literally 2-3 nights of her crying for 2 hours, then 1 1/2 hours, then 45 minutes and then nothing. BTW, she wasn't mad at me in the morning after those crying nights. :) (I did more or less the same thing with the boys, but my memories are strongest with the first.)
ReplyDeleteI actually have fond memories of Olivia waking up in the morning *singing* to herself because she got a great nights' sleep. She made me laugh.
Katie, you're doing good! Keep at it! Can't wait to hear from you in a week to see how things are going. (I don't have much advice for napping during the day. My kiddos took 2-3 hour naps. 35 minutes is not enough for both mama and boys. So, I would assume the same crying it out mantra should work.)
Yep-Ty wakes up crying when he hasn't slept long enough. My sister gave me the tip to leave them for 10 minutes when you hear them wake up before it's been an hour. More often than not he'll go back to sleep. I've let Ty cry it out at times but never more than 20-30 minutes. I just couldn't handle it! Routine's the name of our game though. I always nurse him when he wakes up from bedtime, give him breakfast, lunch and dinner solids and nurse him before bedtime (not to sleep though-he goes in his crib awake)-so don't really keep w/the sleep, eat wake cycle. I don't know how you'd do it with twins though b/c I tiptoe around the house so he'll stay asleep!
ReplyDeleteCrying it out is so hard, but soooo worth it! I think those first few nights we tried it were the longest of our lives. Make sure when you do try it that you don't have anything major that you (or Sean) needs to do the next day because for us, it took both of us supporting each other all night long to get through it. We would set a timer and if she was still crying when it went off, we'd go in and soothe her by rubbing her belly and singing to her. We never picked her up. We started the process with caving and picking her up, but that was a train wreck! If we picked her up, we had to start over with the training because we weren't being consistent and were just confusing her. My biggest advice is when you start letting them cry it out, be ready to commit to it. If you're not ready, then don't do it because it won't work and it'll just be a week of misery. If you can stick it out it is so worth it. They'll get the hang of this whole sleeping thing, then you'll have to train yourself to sleep through the night again! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteDon't give up hope Katie, you'll figure it out! I haven't "tested" these things yet as my baby isn't here. I remember crying it out worked with my little sisters. One thing I firmly believe though is that every child is different. If you've given this method a fair chance and tried to make it work and it just isn't, then don't worry about it, your kids just need something different. I've heard many opinions on baby sleep books and 1/2 the moms love Baby Wise and 1/2 hate it because it's says your baby is supposed to be a certain way. I can't remember the name of one of the books that was recommended, but the other was Happiest Baby on the Block. Our nurse swears by that one. Good luck! I'll be trying to figure this stuff out soon too!
ReplyDeleteFor a good while there Kaylee would wake up from her naps crying and when I got her up, she was still pretty crabby. So I mostly agree with Baby Wise that they probably aren't meaning to be awake. However, now that she is almost eight months old (!), she very rarely is not crying when she wakes up. Not sure what is up with that...anyway, BEFORE I would usually give her about five minutes or so depending on the sound of the cry to see if she would go back to sleep. Most of the time she did. (Of course every baby is different, and your situation is different since you have more than one baby crying.)
ReplyDeleteCrying it out works...I don't really believe in letting them cry for a solid hour without consoling, or whatever.
Anyway, hope some of this helps and hope you guys start getting some sleep!!
I only have second...I'm trying to catch up on all my blogs :-). Crying it out does work and it stinks, but it's worth it. Babies almost always wake up crying from their naps when they are that young. I think consistence is the key, it will be worth it in the end. It was awesome to see you...good luck with getting more sleep. I am in awe of you parents of twins!
ReplyDeleteKatie! I found your blog through Jenna's - what a small world! So sleep and scheduling was probably my biggest stress for our daughter's first 6-7 months of life and I have a whole explanation written to myself about it so I can remember. She sleeps SOO well now - she's 15 months old and always puts herself to sleep without crying and sleeps from 7:30pm to 7am. Email me if you'd like my enormous list of sleep tips =)... sarahkshore at gmail.com. I totally recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child."
ReplyDelete