Note: Thanks to all who responded to my Eating and Screaming question. I called the doc who agreed it's probably reflux and to try burping more and keeping the boys sitting up for 20 minutes after they're done eating. So far, not really helping. I think we'll have to try some medicine next.
But I've realized that sometimes their need is wanting to suck. So the pacifier really does meet their need. I can see how much it relaxes them. Yet I still often feel like a bad mom for using it.
My question to you, my panel of experts, is: what are your opinions on pacifiers? How often do you think they should be used? And when should we wean them off their "binks"?
Parenthood... there's so much to think about!
Pacifiers saved us with Lauren when she was younger. Sometimes she just needed something in her mouth to keep her quiet and other times it calmed her down so she could go to sleep. When there was something really wrong or something she really wanted, she wouldn't take a pacifier. We weaned her off at about a year with no problems.
ReplyDeleteAgain, the lactation consultant told us when we were in the hospital to not worry about using one. It's their only way to soothe themselves at this point. I'd try to find a lactation consultant in your area and ask about the feeding problem too. When a dr agrees with what you say vs coming up with their own explanation, I tend to think they just don't really know and are agreeing with you to make you happy. Plus I hate using medicine when its not necessary.
ReplyDeletePS--I was just thinking...I get reflux myself when I eat ice cream but it's not until after I finish eating that I get it...not sure if it's the same with babies but something to think about.
ReplyDeleteWow I could have written this exact post a few months ago! I felt really guilty about putting Ava on reflux meds but I now feel guilty for not doing it earlier! I tried everything the doctor told us to do and it never worked... 3 days into zantac, she turned into the calmest baby and her pain went away.
ReplyDeleteI always said my children wouldn't use binky's... now I have a baby who loves her binky. Again I posed this same question to some women a few months back about weaning. Between those women and the doctor, they said not to worry about weaning until closer to a year. Their need really is to suck. Especially reflux babies, from what the doctor told me it can help with reflux. I don't know if thats true or she was trying to make me feel better.
Ava's almost 5 months old and I know that she still needs her binky. I am trying to figure out at what point she won't need it and she won't be too hurt if we take it away. I am a bit mortified of having a toddler with a binky so I worry about the same things.
You are a wonderful mom!
I have absolutely no input on weaning from the binky. Caleb doesn't like to suck on one. He uses it as a teething toy.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I do have a tip. When they're crying and they just want soothed by their binkies, bring their hands to their mouths first until they stop crying. Once they stop, give them a binky. It's natural for a baby to self-sooth with their own hands. It won't promote thumb-sucking or anything, but imagine...in the middle of the night...they want a binky...they cry...they bring their cute little hands to their adorable little mouths...they stop crying...all the while you're slumbering: you don't have to wake up just to give them binkies! And if at any time you do catch them sucking their thumbs: remove thumb, insert binky. That's exactly what the OT in the NICU AND the speech therapist who visits our home every month told me to do. (Yes, Caleb is 9 months old and has a speech therapist...but she specializes in feeding issues.) That's what I've always done, and Caleb pretty much never ever cries just for fun, and he sleeps 11 hours at night. And he never ever cries when I lay him down for bed. And he hardly ever cries when I lay him down for naps.
Anyway, I hope that helps a tad.
And you're a wonderful mom. Truly.
Hi Katie....loving your blog and your boys. I thought I would post a comment on the ol' pacifier issue.
ReplyDeleteAs a dental hygienist I was totally against my kids using them...but from the moment Kate was born she was a sucker. As they were wheeling us to the nursery from the delivery room she was sucking on her hand so loud it was echoing off the walls. And every time someone would hold her they would say, "oh, looks like she's hungry!" because she looked like she wanted to suck. So, just like you said, sometimes it is something that they just want and I think you shouldn't feel bad. She came back from the nursery with one the first day and we used it until she was one.
Also, from a messed up teeth standpoint, kids are far worse to suck on thumbs instead of pacifiers because you can't take them away eventually. I had one patient who was 12 and still sucked his thumb and his teeth were all wonky. His dad wanted me to talk to him about breaking the habit because the orthodontist wouldn't put braces on until he stopped...but I looked at this 12 year old kid and I was pretty sure there was nothing I could say to convince him. Its a rare case, but hopefully it makes you feel better about a pacifier!
My advice would be to gradually wean them from a young age. Kate was using hers only at naps and bedtime by about 9 months. They stayed inside her crib. By a year she didn't even notice when they were taken away. Sawyer, on the other hand, was a lot harder and its because we used it with him more. He was still taking it to church up to his first birthday. And I have to admit it was a nice plug a lot of times! That made it a lot harder to give up...but still wasn't as big of a deal as I thought once we finally did it. I would use one again.
So in the end, I love pacifiers for a while! Don't feel bad using one! You're doing great!
aHHHHH the pacifier issues!! We couldn't use one for the first month of Matty's life due to feeding issues. After that, we used one with him. My only input is that we always used it with him as the LAST resort, rather than the first! We always tried to meet all other needs and provided other ways of soothing him - then if nothing worked, we used the pacifier. Often times, the other ways worked first! This relieved my guilt from over-using pacifiers! At 9 months he got a cold and couldn't breathe through his nose, so couldn't use the pacifier either; he didn't have the binky for a few days and when his cold resolved we never re-introduced it... without incident = ) Naomi is a different story, but this is already getting long!
ReplyDeletexo hope that helps. I am familiar with the worrying and analyzing every move!!
I have always forced my kids to love their pacifiers. I was so paranoid they would start sucking their thumbs and then have to deal with breaking that habit...I mean, you can just take a pacifier away but you can't really cut their fingers off. Thankfully my kids have learned to love them at bedtime, which makes things so much easier. When they are younger I bring the pacifier around most places because they are usually going to need to fall asleep, but around 9-12 months I just keep it in the bed. We didn't take Ella's away until she was 18 months and I took Addie's soon after she turned one. I'm planning to do Preston's at 15 months...next week...and I'm already getting sad about it. I can tell he is just starting to really become attached to it though so I want to take it away before it gets worse. I think taking away the pacifier is probably the hardest parenting move I've had to make so far. I feel absolutely horrible when they look at me and say "where is it?" but I just say it's all gone and after some fussing the first night the girls were both fine going to sleep with out it. With twins I would think it would be a necessity! So, that's my opinion...pro-pacifier all the way...but with limits. One of my best friends has a 2 1/2 year old who ALWAYS has a pacifier in her mouth and she doesn't speak much and I'm sure that has something to do with it, but I think as parents we just do what we need to do to survive these early years, so to each their own.
ReplyDeleteWow. This is a hot topic ;)
ReplyDeleteI am a HUGE fan of the binky. Lucy was colicky up until 4 months and it was usually the only thing that would eventually calm her down. Both girls have been very attached from the get go. Hazel went strong until her 1st birthday. That's when we limited it to naps and bedtime. A few months later, when she'd stopped asking for it during the day, it went to just bedtime (if she asked) and finally: no more binky. At first she would occasionally steal Lucy's but has moved passed that as well now. Lucy seems to be much more attached, so she is still on for naps and bedtime. I'm probably going to yank it in the fall.....we'll see :)
My friend Jamie recently posted about blog books here...
ReplyDeletehttp://just-what-am-
i-thinking.blogspot.com/2010/04/blog-
book.html
She is who I originally learned of blurb through but the new site she used sounded waaay faster so I went to try it. I just have way too many pictures and posts to include from a year though, so it wouldn't work for me and I am using blurb again. I really do love blurb. The books are great quality, it is extremely user friendly and it has improved over the years to now have even better options (like being able to rearrange their page templates). It is also pretty affordable. My 2007 book was 160 pages and was about $60 including shipping I think. For 2008 I maxed it out at 500 pages and it was $120 shipped...still waaay cheaper than printing all the pictures I take and buying photo albums for them. I love that the stories that go along with the pictures are right there and that the pictures I love I can make a full page and then others I can do on a smaller scale in a collage type layout. So, I have been happy with it. I'm trying to get 2009 done before school starts (I just finished April), so maybe one day when Ella and Addie both have school I can come visit you, meet your boys and bring my books so you can check them out.
I am not very helpful as far as experience goes, since none of 3 kids took to the pacifiers. They just didn't care for them. And I got tired of sticking it back in their mouth, if they were going to keep spitting it out. (And none of them sucked their thumbs.)
ReplyDeleteBut, I could tell from the brief times I held your boys, that they do like them. And I can see that using them is very helpful when you have TWO babies to care for and you're on your own a lot, now. So, I say go for it. Nobody goes to kindergarten with binkies - so no worries, right? :)
You're doing great! Love you!
All this acid reflux talk reminded me to take my Ranitidine. That's acid reflux meds (generic, of course) so I can sleep during the night.
ReplyDelete"The first time we used a pacifier, I felt so guilty. It was as if I was just plugging them up instead of figuring out their need and meeting it.
But I've realized that sometimes their need is wanting to suck. So the pacifier really does meet their need. I can see how much it relaxes them. Yet I still often feel like a bad mom for using it."
I can totally relate to the guilt but you nailed the important issue: that they like sucking on a pacifier. That said, I don't think you should deny them it. In fact the pacifier makes for memoriable snuggle moments. These are moments where your boys seem to melt into your arms or chest, depending on how and where you're holding them, and you don't want to put them down. I'm convinced that bonding sensation is fully experienced as much by the baby as with the parent that holds him. (And skin-to-skin contact is very good).
Now, the weening part. As the proud father of a seven year old thumb sucker I can't vouch for my personal success but at least none of the other three suck their thumbs and I don't think we treated Rhuelin any different than any other child. Overtime we did what "r" suggested and limited the use to bedtimes and naps. I really like "The Girl"'s advice in self-training her children to not fuss for the pacifier. If I had to do it all over again (Niki's said "NO!" many times and I'm getting old) I'd definitely try that method.
"Note: Thanks to all who responded to my Eating and Screaming question. I called the doc who agreed it's probably reflux and to try burping more and keeping the boys sitting up for 20 minutes after they're done eating. So far, not really helping. I think we'll have to try some medicine next.
Did the doctor conclude it was acid reflux based on observing the Ninja Twins or solely on what you told him?
THIS might be some good use.